The Post-Relationship Friendship***

It began at the ripe age of 16. The moment he said, "It's over," and I felt my heart shatter to pieces, I was already trying to find ways to keep some of him in my life.

And then, he suggested it. "Can we still be friends?"

Could we? I thought. I wasn't sure, but it hurt too much to consider a life without his presence: after school evenings with no silence-filled or argumentative phone calls, lonely walks to class, dateless weekends. How would I survive the loss of my first love?

That was the first time I agreed to be friends with an ex.

A pattern has developed since then. Girl meets boy. Girl likes boy. Girl and boy date for X amount of time. Things fall apart. Girl and boy separate, but still try and maintain a friendship.

It's a neverending circle, a dizzy carousel comprised of bopping, multi-colored ponies with painted on smiles and wide, childlike eyes. One that most friends and family can't understand. One that I keep hopping on despite of my motion sickness.

In fact, out of all of my significant dating experiences and relationships, I can think of only two that have ended with zero strings attached, but only because the endings werethat bad. All other exes, however, have remained in my life in one way or another.

I question whether this is good or bad.

The negatives are obvious. The pain of hearing about their lives, but knowing you can no longer be as involved. The extended amount of time it takes to fully heal and move on from said relationship. And, God forbid, the possibility that they may move on first, leaving you stranded in Exville with nothing but the ghosts of your past while you - gasp - fake happiness for them. It's all rather messy, and I know first hand as I forced myself to maintain a friendship with TheEx.

We spent the first month of our separation communication free. No texts, emails, phone calls. And then, the dreams started. For two weeks, I dreamed consecutively of situations including him. Some were accounts of us happy and together again. Others, I'd find myself crying in open fields with a heart so broken, the pain was actually physical. Those were the dreams that left me soaked in real tears during cold mornings as I awoke. I was so consumed by these dreams - errr, nightmares - that I had to at least find out if he was okay.

Days later, I drove past his job and saw his car, but there was little relief. Instead, my curiosity grew and an overwhelming need to contact him began taking form inside. By dusk, it had turned into a monster, forcing me to send out the initial email.

Nowadays, two and half years post-trauma, I recognize the good in my actions. Though it was the long road to healing, I now thank my stubborness for refusing to fully let him go without a fight. But the year that followed my contacting him brought forth too many repurcussions from a mere moment of weakness, and for quite some time, I wished I had never been dubbed as the Post-Relationship Friendship Girl.

Still, there is some good. Perhaps despite the longer process of moving on and possible anguish, a post-relationship friendship strengthens one's core. It seems outlandish that a person can just pretend someone they still love ceases to exist.

Or maybe that's just me. Maybe I dislike losing connections and despise knowing there are people in the world that harbor negative feelings of me. Maybe I'm a sucker for heartache or a challenge. Maybe I find it important to keep bits and pieces of the past in tact. Maybe I enjoy the idea that despite the rough patches, we were able to move past the darkness and into the light together. Maybe it's because in some endings, a piece of you stays behind in that moment of happiness. Or maybe some relationships weren't ever really meant to end in the first place. Maybe it was just a matter of timing until the two pieces find their way back together again.

Retrieved from Lady Tells All: 

http://ladytellsall.blogspot.com/2010/01/post-relationship-friendship.html

From letiCia's piNk scribbles